What am I doing with my life…

Have you ever started crying while eating some shitty diet food?
It’s like I’m being babysat by Satan and he struggles to feed me another bite.

Satan: come on bitch, this is the last one…whoooo here comes the lettuce!
me: noooo Satan! PLEASE! I’M FULL!
Satan: SHUT UP AND TAKE YOUR SALAD LIKE A REAL WOMAN!
me: *cries while eating*